


normal

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, I don't know why I'm posting this, Kleinsen, Lowercase, Multi, The Author Regrets Everything, Zoevan, evan and jared centric, happy ending? maybe? read it to find out, i just found this in my google docs, overused plot, take it, this is really old, yes i know there are a lot of these but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which zoe is growing mistrustful, evan is acting suspicious, and jared is indirectly destroyed by flowers





	normal

_i have a crush on zoe murphy._

this was jared’s mantra. this was what he kept telling himself, over and over.

_i have a crush on zoe murphy._

this is what he kept telling himself as he watched zoe and evan walk down the hallway together, their fingers intertwined, laughing loudly at each other’s jokes. for once he had had nothing snarky to say to his “family friend” before he walked off. he was wrapped up in this single sentence.

_i have a crush on zoe murphy._

how many times does a lie have to be told before it becomes the truth?

_i have a crush on zoe murphy, and that is why i feel this way when i see her and evan together._

the lies- no, they were truth, they had to be, they would be- almost seemed natural now. after weeks of repeating them, the thoughts flowed easily through his mind like a river, swift and unchanging.

jared was finally becoming Normal. he’d make himself be Normal.

his family would never shun him again.

_evan means nothing to me._

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

evan wasn’t happy in the least.

he faked it. he had always faked it. he was good at faking, though- he had spent his whole life faking his dismissiveness about being invisible. not that anyone was looking at him long enough to notice he was even there, but still. he liked thinking he was good at something.

he looked sideways at zoe, who had stopped walking and had apparently been speaking and was now staring at him with an expectant look on her face. “i-i’m sorry,” he stuttered nervously. “i was just, ah, thinking. sorry.”

zoe’s mouth curled up into her signature smile, a smile considered by many to be extremely beautiful. it was- evan had thought that once- but recently he just just hadn’t been as… reverent of zoe as he had in the past. his mind was usually focused in someone else nowadays, and evan wasn’t even sure why. he tried to push it out if his mind. he didn’t need something else making him even more abNormal than he already was.

“you apologize too much!” zoe joked lightheartedly, and elbowed him gently in the ribs. “anyway, i was asking if you… well, maybe wanted to just skip class and go hang out outside instead.” a pink blush rose in the shorter girl’s cheeks, a blush the same color as a delicate wildflower.

“oh.” evan’s free hand fidgeted with his backpack strap. “um… i don’t know. maybe...maybe another day. i just don’t want my teachers to… y’know…”

_every lie gets you closer to Normal._

zoe looked up at evan and frowned. “there’s something bothering you,” she guessed. “you haven’t been yourself in days. you’re even quieter and more distracted than usual- i mean, no offense.”

“none taken. it’s nothing.”

“are you sure?” zoe sounded incredibly disbelieving.

“yes. on a separate note did you, er- did you see jared on the way here? he looked kind of upset. maybe i should go talk to him.” evan tried his best to transition into this conversation, but as always, it had sounded a lot better in his head. zoe was sure judging him now, if she wasn’t before.

she held tightly to his hand as he tried to walk away.

“no. evan. somehow, when we’re talking, the conversation always comes back to jared, and I want to know why.”

evan froze. “no reason!” he squeaked, and gave a dry-sounding cough. he attempted to run away one more time, but zoe’s grip was like iron.

“please. i-i’m not feeling well.” and for once evan discovered his lies has morphed into the truth. he felt nauseous, and his skin felt like it were being pricked by thousands of tiny rose thorns.

 _not here. of all_ places _this had to_ happen , _not here, not now..._

he tried to look at zoe as desperately as he could, his eyes pleading, and this time it worked.

“i can see you’re telling the truth,” his girlfriend said reluctantly, and released his hand. no “i love you”s or “get well soon”s were exchanged as evan sprinted down the hallway. he didn’t realize it, but in that moment, despite what zoe had said, her trust of him had been broken.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

jared was still fuming and repeating his mantra in his mind when evan streaked by in the hall, his hand held to his mouth, blood trailing behind him, spattered on the floor. or at least jared thought it was blood- but as he stepped forward looked closer, he realized it wasn’t just blood. the substance was mixed with flower petals of the exact same red shade.

the sweet scent of flowers mixed with the metallic smell of blood made jared gag.

this wasn’t natural.

something had happened to evan and whatever it was, it wasn’t natural.

jared had absolutely no reason to sprint after evan. sure, maybe his parents were using his “kindness” to evan to pay for his car insurance, but they didn’t have to know that jared was around when evan had come down with… whatever it was.

but something still pushed him.

some alien force pushed him to run after evan.

he didn’t know what. he didn’t have to do this. he had never pushed himself beyond what he needed to-especially not for evan. he had to be Normal. Normal did not mean spending every moment besides evan like he wanted to. Normal did not mean doing everything in his power to stop his cru- er, family friend from potential death.

and yet, jared was sprinting.

by now, every other student was in class, so the hallway was empty and jared had all the room he needed to go as fast as he could. he never lost sight of evan as he rounded corners and tore through the school. his eyes stayed on the ground in on the trail of blood and petals. it seemed to be getting worse, he noticed with a start- instead of just petals, a trail of entire flowers now rested in front of him.

this was bad.

his gaze darted upward just in time to see evan catch himself on a janitor’s trash can that sat outside of the boys’ bathroom. jared’s hand caught evan’s arm just as even bent over it, and violently started to cough.

“what on earth happened to you?” screamed jared when evan’s coughing didn’t stop after a minute.

at that, evan stopped just long enough to look over at jared, his hands clutching at the edge of the trash can so hard they turned red. shock registered in his eyes for a split second before he turned back around and resumed coughing.

“tell me! i’m trying to save you, hansen!”

“it’s-“ evan could only get one word out. jared waited patiently- or at least as by his standards- for evan’s next bout of coughing to pass.

“it’s a disease called hanahaki,” evan went on, before pausing to scratch furiously at his arms. much to jared’s horror, though his coughing seemed to have stopped temporarily, small flowers the same blood red as the ones he had coughed up were starting to sprout from the skin on his arms, their petals stretching to the sky.

“buddy, i’m pretty sure that’s scientifically impossible,” jared laughed in reference to the flowers that evan was now staring at with horror. however, jared was only trying to mask his own terror at what he was seeing.

“n-no… it might seem like it, but…” evan’s eyes had gone wide with shock and his voice was trembling. “i heard my mom talking about it. it’s a rare disease that happens because of…” he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

“i’ve seen pretty much everything today, might as well spit it out.” jared crossed his arms. his heart was twisting with concern for evan but he had to hide it. he had to be Normal. Normal was all that mattered.

“it’s caused by unrequited love,” evan whispered finally, before lowering his head to stare dejectedly down at his shoes. another flower sprouted from his other arm.

“but zoe likes you just fine!” jared slapped evan on the back, though his heart was beating even faster now. “you’re worrying about nothing. and i’m hallucinating.”

“that’s the thing,” evan said flatly.

“it’s not zoe.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

evan waited for jared’s response. would he be able to confess? if he did, he would lose any chance at finally being Normal.

plus, there was no way jared liked him back. jared had always made sure evan knew that he meant nothing to him. perhaps he was fated to die of hanahaki. oh well. better than falling out of a tree.

“then who?”

evan’s head buzzed.

this was it.

could he confess?

wasn’t it better that he died with jared knowing the truth?

he was tired of lying to himself.

bravery really did come in the strangest of times. evan knew that now more than ever.

“it’s you.”

that was when evan toppled to the floor, unable to bear even his own weight any longer.

••••••••••••••••••

“i know you’re not one to joke, but you’ve got to be kidding me right now,” jared babbled. “it’s fake. this is all fake, and you’re doing it to get back at me for always being a jerk to you.” out of obligation he knelt besides evan, who was weak from coughing and could barely move.

“every bit of it is real,” evan answered hoarsely.

“then why’d you hide it?” jared demanded. he was in shock. evan might like him back, but evan was dying.

how convenient the timing in his life was.

“because…” there were things evan clearly wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the strength. he gave another feeble cough, and a few petals fluttered and landed beside his head. by now his whole face was wreathed in flowers, making him look peaceful.

jared decided he’d finish evan’s sentence for him.

“because you wanted a shot at being Normal. you wanted to be like everyone else, so you hid how you truly felt.”

“how’d you know…” evan murmured. his eyes flickered shut.

“because i felt it myself.”

that was when jared’s lips met evan’s in a gesture both of them had wished for for a long, long time.

he could still taste the blood in evan’s mouth, but he didn’t care. soon that blood wouldn’t be there. soon, evan would be fine.

“i love you, okay?” jared whispered. “i promise.”

if love was reciprocated, couldn’t the hanahaki be reversed?

“this is all my fault. if i hadn’t been so caught up in trying to be Normal- trying to be just like everyone else, and hiding what I really felt- none of this would have happened,” jared continued. “but i can save you. i will save you.”

“you can’t,” came evan’s rasping whisper. “y-you just can't."

it took a minute for evan’s words to register, but once they did, it felt like a physical blow.

no. no, that couldn’t be true.

“no,” jared whispered.

“once the hanahaki... gets bad enough, it’s... impossible to treat, even with surgery, i'm sorry-”

evan’s breaths were becoming slower and shallower every second.

_impossible to treat._

“i won’t let this happen-“

“i’m so sorry-”

“no!”

even jared was sobbing now. stubborn, sarcastic jared was sobbing.

_how could everything have gone so wrong?_

why did he have to be here, watching the life fade from evan’s eyes, wanting to save him, but it was almost too late? why did he have to be so stupid as to let this happen?

he sobbed quietly for a while before he worked up the bravery to test evan for a pulse. he was so afraid of what he would find.

he found nothing, and suddenly, his world came crashing down around him.

it was over.

everything was over.

it seemed so abrupt. it seemed so out of place.

but there was nothing left except for him, evan, and the silence of a million broken hearts.


End file.
